"A pivot is a change in strategy without a change in vision." -Eric Ries I never thought in a million years we'd be doing IVF, but here we are - right in the middle of it, amidst a continuing pandemic, hazardous wildfire smoke and postponed school openings. After three back-to-back-to-back naturally conceived pregnancy losses in …
Climbing Mountains
I should be having a baby this week, but here I am again, grieving another empty due date. Our third empty due date in three years. This has been a journey - no - a climb, up the hardest, steepest, most challenging mountain. An ascent I never thought I'd embark on, and one that I …
Limbo
“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that’s waiting for us.” -Joseph Campbell I think we can all agree that there's a weird sense of feeling in limbo this time of year, in the "black hole" that is the time period between Christmas and New Years. …
Bad Things Come in 3’s….
This is a picture of me in the beginning of August heading into a third D&C in a row. Alone, due to the pandemic. Our 4th pregnancy in 4 years, and our third angel baby - joining the ranks at 10 weeks. Sometimes, giving yourself time to fully process an event before sharing with the …
It’s Okay to Feel Good Right Now…
Today marks one year since finding out, at our 20-week ultrasound, that we lost another baby. I've been feeling somewhat guilty these last few days for not dwelling on it - and actually being okay right now. Making the best of quarantine life We hear a lot about how it's okay to not be okay, …
Bedroom Triggers
Gavin soooo excited about his new bed setup! Gavin is a big boy now, and today is the day he finally moves out of his toddler crib bed and gets his fancy new fort bunk bed that his grandparents got him for his birthday. This was always the plan. It was amazing to see him …
Wave of Light 2019
Tonight, I’m lighting these candles in honor of the two baby boys I’ve lost in the last year, but this wave of light is not just for our family. Baby’s breath to remember, and hope for moving onward. For all the mammas who have delivered tiny babies, too small for life, only to hold them …
Bridges
There are bridges between sorrow and joy. Grief and hope. Fear and Trust. Some days I move closer to one end of these bridges and others days, I move more towards the middle. I’ve been dreading the arrival of the month of September. In fact, I’ve been trying my hardest to ignore that it’s here …
Muddy Clarity
So much poking and prodding over the last few months has finally led us to some clarity on our late pregnancy losses. It's been 3 months since my husband and I found out, at our 20-week ultrasound, that our baby had no heartbeat. Our rainbow baby boy who was supposed to be due next month. …
“Happy” Fourth of July
The Fourth of July. A holiday where I’ve always looked back and made comparisons from where we were in previous years to where we are now. I remember Fourth of July last year. July was the month that we decided to start trying again for baby number two. I remember telling Kris, depending on how …
Onward Steps 